Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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