You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
