I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
