I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i need an iv and a liver transplant
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
