How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
