just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
