I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
third nipple confirmed
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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