I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
