never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
