My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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