Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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