the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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