I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
