I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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