I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You're like the curious george of whores
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
