Jerry, you need to find god
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
