You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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