This girl is more easily done than said...
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
