Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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