didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
