sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
it was like eating out sand paper
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
