Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
