we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
