my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
