One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
