Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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