Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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