How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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