i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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