just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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