dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
honey bunches of taint.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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