I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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