I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
