One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
