I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
