I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
