She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My feet surprised me
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
