ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
