Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
