but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
