i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
birth control should be required to get into college
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
