there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
