I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
