He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
