put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
