He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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