Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
