im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
