I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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