I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
