Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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