If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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