They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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